Last April, one month into this pandemic, I sent a message to all of you. A message of solidarity and support. I knew that individuals and families, life and work, learning and living, were and would be impacted profoundly for each and all of us.
Just as I could not anticipate how the year would unfold, I did not anticipate how my coaching practice would evolve, shift, adapt, and grow as a result.
The term "life coach" is one with which I struggle. Whether it is what it evokes, what it fails to evoke, or the superfluousness my innermost critics fear its vastness and vagueness evoke, I always say it sideways and through my teeth when people ask what I do for work. When I look back over this year of coaching, I can see that my inner critics were wrong about one thing and right about another.
As we battened down the hatches of our lives, braced for what was to come, and concerned ourselves with staying safe, staying healthy, stocking fridges, working, caring for others, and schooling our children, I was certain my coaching practice would take a pause. Not only because my own childcare had evaporated and I was suddenly thrust into the roles of kindergarten homeschooler (barely), puppy trainer (herder), and short order cook (among others) on the home front, but because I was sure that, for once, my inner critics would be right. Nobody has time for life coaching in a pandemic, they assumed. They were wrong.
Here's where they were right. I think that perhaps the vast and vague and open to interpretation umbrella under which life coaching exists helped people to point themselves, panicked and disoriented and bleary eyed, in the direction of asking for and getting help. "I'm not sure exactly what I need, but I know I need help." As the early weeks and months of the pandemic ticked by, the number of people reaching out for support ticked up.
Over the past year, I have coached clients around shifting family dynamics, the strain on partnerships and parent-child relationships, adapting to remote learning, adjusting expectations and schedules, finding rhythms and rituals and space and selfhood, communication strategies, hard conversations, loss, conflict, separation, rage, grief, boundaries, dreaming, hoping, surviving and thriving. I have coached mothers and fathers, teenagers and grandparents, individuals, partners, and entire families.
With courage, urgency, and agency, my clients stepped into discomfort and toward the unknown. They found clarity amid chaos, strength in the face of challenge, meaning in loss, abundance in scarcity, and love in a time of fear. It has been an honor to be their witness and wingwoman in this important work.
"I worked with Abby through the height of the pandemic and our sessions couldn’t have started at a better time. As a working mother who was struggling with remote school and full-time work (and no child care), I desperately needed some guidance, some tools, some empathy and some humor. I got all of that. Abby was truly my advocate while also pushing me out of my comfort zone to deal with some of the challenges life was throwing at me. I still hear Abby’s voice in my head when I go head-to-head with my 6-year old, and it brings me a sense of calm and control."
-Working Mother of 2, New York City
"A few very difficult months into Covid, I started working with Abby in an effort to repair the frayed connection with my 5 year old son. I was stressed and unable to understand where he was coming from and why we were so disconnected. Through Abby’s coaching, I was able to see much more clearly the causes of the friction and get both perspective on the “why” and tools for how to parent and feel more connected to my son. As I write this, Covid is still with us, but I am in a much better place, feel closer to my son and more empowered as a parent."
-Rob, Working Father of 2, Oakland
"The addition of Abby's presence in my life has altered me. A few months into the pandemic, I came to Abby twisted in a knot that I hardly knew how to name let alone untangle. I thought I just needed support with challenging parenting dynamics. I was living in the moment, uncomfortable but out of touch with what wasn't quite right in my life. I had no idea how I got to such an uncomfortable place, what a better version of life and relationships with others could look like, or how to move toward a new, preferred reality.
I have been working with Abby for six months. The thoughtful and often profound realizations that come from our sessions somehow also include some fun. Her thoughtful summaries of our sessions, inspiring (typically optional!) homework, and deeply sincere words of encouragement between sessions are the best things in my inbox.
The title Coach is incredibly accurate. Abby is on my team. She is in my corner. She is all in when it comes to supporting me to thrive in life. It is rare to feel so known, understood, seen. It is rare to have this level of support just for me. I now understand my wants, needs, and feel empowered to move toward them. I am in awe of the pivotal change that Abby has fostered in my life. And I am deeply thankful."
-Anne, Working Mother of 3, San Francisco
Over the past year, many people asked me how I was able to find the space and bandwidth to create and hold a space for others at a time when there was little space to spare. It was and is difficult for me to convey that and how the time I spent with clients filled and sustained me. My purpose was an anchor during a time of unmooring. It is with gratitude, love, and respect that I regard the beautiful, brave, and wholehearted people that I coach.
From that email a year ago...
"I have found that while this moment in time certainly has the capacity to make life feel muddled, confusing, and overwhelming, it also has the power to distill, clarify, and empower us. Coaching is not a luxury; it is an investment in ourselves and in our families. It is an opportunity to get clear on what is important to us and clear out what gets in the way."
I was, am, and will continue to be here for you and yours. Thank you for reaching out, showing up, and supporting my practice this year. We are (still) in this together.
With love and solidarity,
Abby