Let me tell you. I am doing some top shelf parenting these days. I'm feeling super calm, prepared, and unshakeable in the face of uncertainty, upheaval, and trauma. I'm taking it all in stride with a bottomless well of patience and perspective. I am gracefully and nimbly navigating the twists and turns of parenthood, working parenthood, homeschooling working parenthood, housekeeping homeschooling working parenthood, dog training housekeeping homeschooling working parenthood, partnership dog training housekeeping homeschooling working parenthood, citizenship partnership dog training housekeeping homeschooling working parenthood. I always know just what to say, just what to do, just what my kiddo needs, and just how to give it to him. Socially distanced socializing, social emotional academic developmental milestones. Nailing them. Nary a meltdown or mood swing in sight. I've totally got this.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Not so much.
Like everyone else, I am doing my best. Sometimes my best is messy, improvised, phoned in, devolving, regressive, reactive, small, frustrated, despondent, picky, petty and overwhelmed. And sometimes my best is patient, focused, grounded, hopeful, resourced, generous, measured, creative, and in a flow. Some days, we hit a rhythm and a groove and my son swings from his indoor gym and listens to a science podcast while I start dinner and send off a coherent work email (or two!). Other days, the day of working parenthood looks more like a circus gone off the rails as I tersely hand off the pup and kid to my partner whose meeting in the basement "office" is running over so I can get on a call and hope that back to back episodes of (very dramatic, debatably age appropriate, and yet timely during these days that require hardiness and resolve) Little House on the Prairie will allow us both to meet our deadlines that afternoon. Sometimes "me time" is a 30 minute online yoga class while the house is momentarily and blessedly quiet and empty. Sometimes it's giggling with my husband in front of the TV over a late night bowl of our pandemic guilty pleasure, "CTC" (Cinnamon Toast Crunch). To each their own.
All of us, in our own ways, seem to be getting increasingly scrappy, creative, and resilient (and hopefully easier on ourselves) while simultaneously wondering how the heck this is all going to work (or not work, or get reworked) on any larger and longer scale.
And while it can be tempting to retreat into our atomized home bunkers, put our heads down, and try to single-handedly reinvent the wheel each day as we navigate this impossible time, I want to encourage you all to continue to reach out and find community and support where, when, and how you can. That looks different for everyone. For me it has been consistently checking in on, walking with, and connecting with close friends. It has been daily texts and calls with my parents and sisters, flung heartbreaking distances away from one another without certainty of when we will be together again. It has been staying connected to and sharing resources with the hilarious, compassionate, strong, brilliant mothers in my entrepreneurial mothers circle. It has been funneling my creative energy and need to connect with people into co-producing a surprise music video for my goddaughter's first birthday. It has been sharing easy, healthy, family friendly recipes with friends, ordering in from favorite local restaurants, and supporting local businesses. It has been fresh air, dog walks, ocean plunges, knitting a blanket for my new niece I've yet to meet, podcasts, and picnics with friends. It has been reading for pleasure, reading to learn, reading to unlearn, reading to make sense of what doesn't make sense. And sometimes not reading at all.
I have been getting down to brass tacks in sessions with my coaching clients, as this unprecedented and disorienting time has impacted folks in many different ways and forced us to get even more clear about what we need, what we want, what works, what doesn't, who our mirrors are, what we need to let go, what demands our attention, what we care about, and how we show up in the world. I have been collaborating and redesigning with my partner Darcy as we figure out how best to support the parents who need us right now.
And you, friend?
How are you? What have you been doing? How have you found connection, community and calm in the face of isolation, chaos and overwhelm? What do you need?
If you need me, I am here. As a friend, an ally, an advocate, a neighbor, a coach, a guide.
Until we get to hug and cheers and laugh unmasked side by side. I am here.
Clear eyes, full hearts, muddle through.
With love and solidarity,
Abby
